Ok, so there is a word of caution about my journal that I think I forgot to mention earlier. I will not make sense in my writing and I will most likely leave large gaps in my stories because I don't write that often and yeah I will just leave out information.

I miss having a boyfriend. Its just that simple. I think I miss Craig most of all. I can pretend all I want that I am over him and I happy he has moved on...but the truth is I'm not. I want Craig to be happy and be the person I know and love. I think that is why I want him to find love. I want it to be with me, but again that is not going to happen.

I am sick of dealing with guys that I just hook up with and leave. There have been so many guys like that this semester. I am not saying it wasn't fun or anything, but it got lonely. 

Ok well I'm tired and that is my little rant for the night! Nighty nigh!!

So after I wrote last night I went out with Freddy for a cigarette. We had the best talk I have had with anyone in the longest time. We just talked about life and how we want to live our own lives. It was so nice to just relax and not feel like either one of us was judging the other one. That is one thing that I think too many of us do. 

We are all so worried about what everyone else thinks of us and what we think of others. (I am just as guilty of this as the next person.) I don't deny my involvement in judging others, but I am going to start to make a conscious effort not to. It takes a lot of energy out of me and for what? I know that I can't let what others think of me dictate my life, but that is something that is going to take a lot more time than not judging others. 

This is my biggest issue when it comes to Matt. I think that it really shows exactly how his town and upbringing have been. He is so worried about what anyone else thinks of him and what he thinks of others. To him I am a slut. I know he thinks I am because he basically told me so last night. He doesn't agree with my smoking and the type of people I like to surround myself with. The things he said to me and about me last night and in the past really do hurt my feelings. I know I am not perfect, but aren't I allowed to fuck up at some point? I talked to Mike last night too. He made me feel better. He made me realize that I am nineteen and it is okay to act like it. I have to make sure that I present myself as I want to be seen, but I don't have to act like I am twenty-five. 

I did grow up very early. Between my mom getting sick and the aftermath of that and the sexual abuse I suffered in freshman year of high school I grew up quickly. I know that I can't go back and change that and I don't want to. What I do want to do is act my own age every once in a while. 

Wow. This entry jumps around a lot, but thats how I write in this thing...I just write as it comes to me. I am going to end this with the lyrics to a song Ashley made me listen to and I fell in love with the lyrics. 

Lessons Learned - Carrie Underwood

There's some things that I regret,
Some words I wish had gone unsaid,
Some starts,
That had some better endings,
Been some bad times I've been through,
Damage I cannot undo,
Some things,
I wish I could do all all over again,
But it don't really matter,
Life gets that much harder,
It makes you that much stronger,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

[Chorus:]
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wonder how I get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.

There's mistakes that I have made,
Some chances I just threw away,
Some roads,
I never should've taken,
Been some signs I didn't see,
Hearts that I hurt needlessly,
Some wounds
That I wish I could have one more chance to mend,
But it don't make no difference,
The past can't be rewritten,
You get the life you're given,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

[Chorus:]
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wonder how I get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.

And all the things that break you,
All the things that make you strong,
You can't change the past,
Cause it's gone,
And you just gotta move on,
Because they are gone,
Lessons learned.

[Chorus:]
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wonder how I get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,
Lessons learned. 

So I really haven’t written in this for a long time. The longer I wait to write in here, the harder it is to do. I am going to be taking somethings from my friend Nathan’s blog! I love you Nathan!! I am going to start from where I left off.

We went to Hebrew Union College, in Jerusalem, on Wednesday afternoon. We ate dinner there, and began the fast, and attended services for Erev Yom Kippur. The service was like a concert almost and that is my only complaint. I mean the music was beautiful; the cantorial students at the college formed a choir with their amazing voices. But the service didn't do much for me.

We walked through the streets of Jerusalem that night. Yom Kippur in Israel is sacred and holy above anything else. It is unwritten and unenforced, but understood that NO one drives. So we were able to walk around the streets of the German quarter and the New City. The streets became walkways, with crowds of people walking through them. People were lying down in major intersections. It was so fun! If anyone has seen the movie “The Notebook” you know the part where they lie down in the street and we did that!! Nathan did cartwheels in the streets, and we all ran around and sang. I wish I had a camera to take pictures of this amazing time, but electronics aren’t used during the chag.

The next day we had to option of going to different services in the morning. Some people went back to HUC and others went to the Great Synagogue (orthodox) or the conservative shul down the street, and even others stayed back in the rooms. I stayed in the rooms. I didn’t sleep or do anything. I sat by myself and thought. I thought about the past year and the things that I wanted to change about myself. I really liked doing that. After that we had study session with Rabbi Geller. After Jesse, Rebakah, Mike, Sophie, and I walked to the conservative shul to hear the Torah being read. It was so beautiful and the people were very welcoming. We all walked back to HUC for yitzger services and the concluding service. I got to hold one of the candles for the havdallah for the congregation. It was really nice. We ate so much after services were over to make up for not eating all day! LOL!

Ok, so I was asked by Scott (my youth group advisor) to write an article for the temple bulletin about the high holy days in Israel. I am going to post it here now!~

High Holy Days in the Holy Land
By: Sarah Rader

I have now been in Israel a little over one month, and it has been the most amazing time in my life. I am here with 29 other high school students from all over the United States, and even one person from Canada. We all have different backgrounds and yet we easily relate to one another. Recently the group went to Ein Gedi, where we hiked to the top of Mount Masada and saw the sun rise and swam in the Dead Sea. As we pulled in to the driveway of Kibbutz Tzuba (where we stay the majority of the time), everyone said, “We are finally home.” The group has bonded so much in a relatively short amount of time, and we have now spent the High Holidays together in the most incredible place, Israel.
For Rosh Hashanah the group stayed at Kibbutz Lotan, which uses progressive Judaism as a base for all that the kibbutznikim (members of the kibbutz) do. For example, they strive to find new ways to be more energy efficient and to preserve the environment. We arrived on the kibbutz on Erev Rosh Hashanah. The services that night were very informal. They don’t have a rabbi; kibbutznikim take turns leading the service. Morning services were lead in very much the same way. Although these services were not what most of us are familiar with, everyone enjoyed them and loved the fact that we were able to participate so easily. Due to the fact that things were so informal, members of our group blew the shofar, read Torah and made aliyot. That night two of the kibbutznikim took us on a walk to a sand dune right outside of the kibbutz grounds where we sat in silence thinking and observing the Milky Way, which was right above us. Never in my life have I seen the stars so clearly and to start the New Year off with that experience cannot be described in any words.
During Yom Kippur we stayed at Beit Shmuel. This is in the Hebrew Union College, in Jerusalem. We arrive on Erev Yom Kippur and ate dinner and attended services in the Hebrew Union College synagogue. The cantorial aspect of the services was amazing. After services, the group went on a walk around the Jerusalem. Normally Jerusalem is filled with cars going every which way, but on that night there were no cars; the streets were filled with people walking, riding bikes, on roller skates, or on skateboards. The only cars on the street were the occasional police cars and ambulances. The Israeli government was so confident that there would be no cars on the road that the majority of the traffic lights were turned off. My (madrichim) told us that for the past couple of years the majority of Israel would shut down on Yom Kippur. This includes the main highway between Jerusalem and Tel Aviv, which is filled with children riding their bikes to and from the beach. Just walking and seeing all the people walking with you was astounding to me. In the morning the group had a choice of going back to the Hebrew Union College services or attending services at The Great Synagogue (orthodox) or at a conservative shul. I, along with some of my peers, decided to stay behind and not attend services in the morning at all. Instead we each took time to reflect about the past year and pray privately. When morning services were over, the group attended a text study session with Rabbi Stuart Geller. The study was really interesting and got us to look for hidden meanings in the story of Jonah. When that was over five of my fellow classmates and I walked to the conservative shul and heard the Torah and Haftorah being chanted. We walked back to attend concluding services and Havdalah at the Hebrew Union College. I was asked to hold one of the Havdalah candles for the congregation along with two other people from my group, which was a great honor. We broke fast in the courtyard outside the sanctuary and ate dinner before returning to Kibbutz Tzuba.
These High Holy Days have been the most meaningful ones I have experienced in my lifetime by being in Israel and being on a high school program sponsored by the reform youth movement (North American Federation of Temple Youth or NFTY). For the upcoming holiday of Sukkot the group will be splitting up for home hospitality and we will be staying with host families all over Israel. Then we will hiking from the Kineret to the Mediterranean Sea in five days. I look forward to the many more experiences yet to come in my semester in Israel.

Shalom!
Sarah Rader

I don’t really know what else to write about for the next couple of days since nothing too interesting happened. I am going to jump to the next interesting thing.

On Monday we left for home hospitality. Most people went to people they knew or went with someone else from the group to their family or friends’ house. Rebekah and I went to this British rabbi’s house. His name is Rabbi Marmur. He has 3 children. His youngest daughter is 11 and her name is Gabby. His son i2 14 and I don’t remember his name for the life of me…I will look it up in the notebook I am making for Heather when I get myself up. His oldest daughter is my age (16) and her name is Miriam. We hung out with her mostly. We went to the movies one night and the next night we went to Emak Rafi’im Street. I liked that.

On Wednesday morning we left the Marmur house and met at Beit Shmuel to go on yam l’yam. That is Sea to Sea for those of you who don’t know. We hiked from the Kineret (Sea of Galilee) to the Mediterranean Sea. It was a good hike and we cooked our own food on the trail and slept outside in tents. I got injured and I couldn’t hike like half of it and so that was upsetting but I still had a lot of fun. For navigations and cooking on the trail we were put into three groups. There were the Veggies, Ramrod, and Sababah. I was in Sababah with Eddy, Mark, Mati, Zach, Max, Ilana, Elaina, Sarah N, and Debbie. **Sababah is Hebrew for cool** I was really good at the navigations. For navigations we were given a map and a radio. The radio was the for emergencies only. We had to follow a trail to a certain point and along the way we had a small task to find another point a put a pile of rocks with three sticks (our group symbol). I loved doing all that! Thanks to Girl Scouts I kicked ass!! So anyways, I also was able to over come my fear of heights. We repelled into this cave in the side of the mountain that long ago the roof collapsed in. It was an amazing view. Zach was so supportive and I was on the phone with him when he was down there and I was still up at the top. H had everyone cheering for me and Naomi was really great to. She went down with me and never left my side. Also Roi made me feel comfortable with him controlling the rope. I love it in the end I am so happy I did it. For the last day they biked to the Mediterranean Sea. Rachel, Deby, Mac, and I met them there with Shira and Gabe. I wish I could have biked it with them, but whatever. We had a final meeting when we talked about the trip as a whole and then ate some food and packed some up for later. After we changed and went swimming. It was so nice to swim in the sea. There weren’t waves like the first time I went, it was more relaxing and we had fun. We left the beach and drove back to Tzuba. We moved all of our shit back into our same rooms and then showered!! It was amazing to be clean after a whole week of hiking and not showering. Then we went to Kibbutz Gezer. We danced with the Torah and had a great time. Rachel and I even saw Alone!! For those of you who don’t know who that is, he is the adventure specialist at Camp Harlam! So the next day we went to services at the conservative shul in Jerusalem and then joined the processional to the Kotel with the members of the Great Synagogue. It was absolutely amazing. It is something I will never forget. When we got to the Kotel the men and women split up and we all did our own thing. After we left the Kotel we went to Josh Weinburg’s apartment (run’s t’fillah and Tzedakah projects). It was nice, we ate out on the roof and just relaxed.

Since then nothing much has been going on until now. My parents and sister are here!!!!!!!!!! They arrived on Monday. I got to see them right after Hebrew class then I had to go to Jewish History. They came with me and then we had lunch and they took a nap while my sister came to my classes with me. It was nice. I love having them here. We ate dinner at the kibbutz and then they had orientation and I had to go to t’fillah. I hung out in their room for a little while until they went to bed. They brought me tons of food and some school supplies and toiletries. They also brought me two new cameras. I got a new digi and one for film photography. They are so nice and I am excited to take tons of pictures for all of you. Last night my parents, sister, and I went out for dinner in the neighborhood of Ein Kerem. We ate at this Italian restaurant and it was amazing. Then we just relaxed. I don’t know what we are going to do tonight because they are at Masada and the Dead Sea and the security situation is getting tense. I don’t think we are aloud to go out because of it, but I don’t know. I will write more often I promise!!!

I adopted a penguin!!! <33

October 5, 2005
6:01 PM

I am really sorry that I am updating this so infrequently, they just keep us so busy here with activities and having tons of fun. I will again do a day by day summary of what has been going on.

Friday

We had our second Jewish History exam. It was on the Second Temple Times. It wasn’t that bad to be honest, but I don’t know how I did. Then we had lunch with some EIE alumni who are in Israel with different groups. It was nice. We ate in the moadon so it was quite relaxing. After we all ate we got on to the bus to go to Haifa. The bus ride was about an hour…maybe an hour and an half. We arrived at the hostile where were staying and I must say it looked gross. I sucked it up and when I got to my room, it was actually pretty nice. I was rooming with Elaina, Dafna, and Rachel. It was an awesome room. We all got ready for Shabbat services and Rachel did my make up. I loved it! So anyway, we met up with the Netzer and Carmel kids. They are two groups for collage age kids. Netzer is the international youth movement for Reform Judaism that NFTY just became part of. The program that the kids are part of actually is called Shnot. They focus on community service and doing Tzedakah projects and is a year off of college. While Carmel gives their students college credit by them attending classes at University of Haifa. We each introduced our program and played “ice breaker” games. I talked to a lot of the Netzer kids. They are really nice and most are from the England, Scotland, and Germany. I learned a lot from them and we have a lot in common, more than I thought we would. After services and Ohel Avraham, we went to dinner where the Netzer kids live. It was nice and we had song session and Oneg Shabbat afterwards. Josh, Zach, and Max brought the house down playing their guitars which was cool. We went back to the hostile to relax and then go to bed. Zach, Nathan, Danielle, Max, Morgan, Elaina and I watched The Passion of the Christ. The movie on a plot level was horrible and basically showed a lot of blood and gore. On a factual level it was completely incorrect. Everyone has told me what is wrong with the movie, but I wanted to know for myself and I now do. I am now able to form my own opinions on the movie and not rely on other people’s opinions. Afterwards, I went to bed.

Saturday

We had services in the park outside Ohel Avraham, it has an outdoor sanctuary. I went up for an aliyah with all the other people that have never been to Israel before this. Zach shared his talis with me. After services we went back to the place where we had dinner the night before for lunch. Then we went to the B’hai gardens. B’hai is a religion based on the idea of one G-d that has many prophets. Those prophets include Jesus and Moses as well as the most important one in their religion which they call the Bob. The gardens are gorgeous. You can only walk down 1700 stairs. To go up you must believe in the religion. To become part of this religion you must come to Israel and climb all the stairs and make a donation to the gardens. This donation can be $1 million or $1. We walked back to where we had lunch. We had free time there. Morgan, Rebekah, some other people, and I laid on the grass and I even fell asleep. After an hour or so of that we had a study session where we could go study 1 of 3 things. I went to Josh Weinberg’s group where we studied “I” vs. “Us” in Judaism and in life. It was interesting. After, we went to the beach for the 3rd meal of the day and Havdalah. It was absolutely amazing. We then got on the bus and went back to Tzuba.

Sunday

It was a normal day of classes. I didn’t have history so I used that time to go talk to David (the dean) about changing Spanish classes because I didn’t feel like I would be prepared going back to GL at the end of the semester. So David was really cool and he has changed my schedule so that I only have Spanish every other class day, but I am the only one in my class and I can go at the pace that I choose. During the day we had to pack all of our stuff because we moved out of our rooms while we visited Kibbutz Lotan for Rosh Hashanah. This was very stressful and it took like two hours. It was worse for other rooms, but my room was done pretty quickly and we put the stuff we weren’t taking to Lotan in the classrooms. After we were done we had a small party for Marc and Eddy, because it was their birthdays. It was cute. After I just relaxed and watched the Yankees vs. Red Sox game. Of course my Red Sox won and they are in the playoffs. It was nice to just relax.

Monday

When I woke up I took a shower and got ready for the day. We had to bring all of our bags to the moadon and then go to breakfast. After breakfast we got on to the bus to head to Kibbutz Lotan. The kibbutz is about an hour outside of Eilat in the Negev Desert. It was about a 3 hour drive and we stopped for lunch. I roomed with Kara and Rebekah. The rooms were okay, but we figured out that you can pee wash your hair and shave your legs all at the same time because the bathroom is the shower. It was really funny. The group got a virtual tour of the kibbutz and learned what the kibbutz is about. We got ready for Erev Rosh Hashanah services. The services were nice, but very informal. I actually really liked them. Then we had dinner with the entire kibbutz which was fun. Then we relaxed and had free time.

Tuesday

We had a later wake up and Kara and I went to breakfast. Then I got ready for services. It was weird for me because usually I am leading children’s services so I am not in the normal services. Most of the service I knew, but some of it none of us knew. Many members of the group were able to make aliyot, read from the Torah, and blow the shofar. After that we went to lunch and we were able to just relax for a few hours. Later that afternoon we got an actual tour of the kibbutz. It was kind of cool to see all the things that they do. They compost all the organic waste (like food) and they built a special bathroom that composts the human feces. I know it sounds gross, but at least they are doing things to preserve this Earth unlike a lot of us. Anyways, after that we ate dinner. After dinner we took a like 5 minute walk outside the kibbutz to a sand dune. The desert is quite chilly at night believe it or not. We just thought on our own and laid down looking up at the Milky Way, which was right above us. It was so pretty. I have never in my life seen the stars so clearly. Those moments were perfect. While we were up there we celebrated Ilana’s birthday. It was a lot of fun. We got on the bus and the madrachim told us that we were going to a market in Dimona. It turned out that they took up to Eilat!! We went to this market/fair type thing. I got this really cool purse. I love shopping by the way. Then it was back to Kibbutz Lotan for the night.

Wednesday

I woke up around 11 AM and we had discussion services. We talked about the Torah portion that we read the day before and why we read that Torah portion. It was an interesting discussion. We also did the shofar service. Josh Dinner and Sarah blew the shofar. Both did an amazing job. When they did Tekiah Gidolah (one really long blast…basically just blow it as long at possible), Josh beat out Sarah and did it for like 54 seconds. He says his record was 2 minutes. I actually believe him since he has been doing it since he was little. Anyways, then we had lunch and we had a café thing where we had to deal with problems that Kibbutz Lotan has faced and what we would do if we made the decisions. I liked that. Then it was time to go. We took a longer route through Beer Shevah, because the Dead Sea route takes us through the West Bank. We have permission to go through there (that’s the route we took there), but at night NFTY doesn’t like to go through there as an extra precaution. It was fun on the bus though. I slept a lot and we stopped at this little place where they had Falafel and Schwarma. For those of you who don’t know Falafel is…well I’m not sure exactly, but it’s amazing if you get it at a good place. Schwarma is meat and is put into the same thing Falafel is put into. Oh…I forgot that some of you don’t know what that is. They are both put into a pita with chumus (chick pea), Israeli salad (tomato and cucumber), and anything else you want. That was basically it for the drive.

When we returned to Tzuba we got our new roommates since we totally moved out of our rooms. I am now rooming with Heather and Kara. Kara has the living room (where I was last time) and Heather and I share the back room. I like being the back room, but I am still getting used to having new roommates and being in a new room. Kara is from California and is a senior. She is the only one staying for both semesters. Heather is a sophomore and she is from Texas. We all get along and are very open. It makes things a lot easier because if I need to brush my teeth and Kara is in the shower I can just go get it and we don’t care. So, anyways we moved in and got settled as much as possible.

Thursday

I woke up at 8 AM. We had a Tzedakah project. We had to get into skirts and long sleeves to go to the Kotel (the Western Wall). There we met this woman that runs a nursing home. The residents have wanted to come to the Kotel for a long time but they basically needed one on one attention. That is where we came in, we each took one resident (sometimes 2 of us took a resident) and we took them up to the wall and let them sit. We also sang some songs and gave them ice cream. I think that they really enjoyed it, because the woman I was with smiled a lot. I was able to practice speaking the little Hebrew I know. I would ask her if she want to go there or stay here by asking her sham (there) and pointing to a spot of poh (here). I also was able to ask her if she wanted miyim (water) or glidah (ice cream). After that, we came back to the kibbutz for lunch and classes. I had all five of my classes. It was a long day, but I didn’t totally mind.

Today (Friday)

I woke up today at 7:30 AM and we had general studies. Since we are away so much this month we had to have some classes on a Friday morning. I actually liked it. I only had first period then fourth and fifth. That was nice because I just relaxed and went online. In the afternoon we just got to relax and do nothing. At 5 PM we left for services at some reform congregation. I liked the services and the people there were really nice. We just finished song session about a half hour ago. I love song session. Josh Dinner, Zach, and Max lead it as usual and we all sang at the top of our lungs. Song session reminds me of camp and home so it’s nice to have. We have curfew at 2 AM, but I don’t think that I am going to stay up that late.

**SEND ME TONS OF E-MAILS TO MAKE ME FEEL SPECIAL!!! AND COMMENT!!!**

E-mail Address~ xobear227ox@hotmail.com

Today it hit me that Kibbutz Tsuba is my home. My room is my room, my bed is my bed. Where I was once a tourist, I am now a resident.

Today we came back from a three-day trip to Hebrew Union College, Ein Gedi, the Dead Sea, and Mount Masada. The trip was amazing.

But coming home was even better. It hit me as we drove in on the bus, and I saw my room from the window, and I had the feeling that you get when you finally drive up your street after a long vacation.

I am home.

As for the trip, well it was pretty incredible. In order to do it justice, I will give you a day-by-day account:

Thursday:
Morning. We got up at 6:00 AM. We went to Jerusalem. Currently in Jewish History we are studying the 2nd Temple Period, so we went to the Old City and visit several museums and the remnants of the 2nd Temple walls, where we learn about Roman Rule, the 2nd Temple, the Zealot Rebellion, the ultimate Roman destruction/massacre of Jerusalem, etc. I really loved the trip to the Southern Wall of the Temple; it was amazing..

We got back on the bus and we were off to Hebrew Union College in Jerusalem. EIE used to be located in HUC, and they still have connections with the college, which teaches Rabbinics, Cantorial Studies, and Teaching. We went there to receive a tour of the campus, meet the director, and do our own general studies there. Our teachers came to the college and we had all our classes there. It was really nice, except for the fact that we had school. Oh well.

After that, we left for Ein Gedi. Ein Gedi is in the south-ish west, by the Dead Sea. It is a part of the Judean desert. The hostel (yes hostel, not hotel - look it up if you don't know what this is) we stayed at was okay, and we slept with 5 people to a room. The day we got there, we didn't do much besides settle in.
For those of you who know me, you know that I am the last person you could imagine staying in a hostel. It was nothing like I was used to, but I was okay.

Friday

Friday, we woke up early. By “early” I mean 4:00 AM. (Alright okay I guess it wasn't that bad..) We left the hostel by 4:45, piling into a bus in pitch black of night, and headed to Mount Masada.

But it was all worth it - what followed in the next 5 hours; hours I will not forgot for a good long while...

We began the hike up Mount Masada at 5:30. A group of guys decided they would attempt to run. I can honestly tell you that they succeeded in doing so for about 3 and a half minutes. But regardless, the hike up was incredible. The mountain is not tall, as mountains go, but the "Snake Path" that we took is steep and winding and if you take a relaxed pace it is about a 45 minute hike.

Deby and I made it in 45ish minutes. We did a nice pace taking a lot of short breaks so not to get tired or pass out.

The trip didn't end there; after standing around like a pack of papparazi sucking the life out of the short-lived kodak moment called, we had services (in one of the oldest known synagogues in the world), and then we had a Jewish History class. So we spent the next four hours walking all over Masada, learning about the Romans, and the Zealots, and Herod, and Josephus Flavius, and the fort itself, and the story that makes it all famous...

****Side Note:
I am, considering the audience of my blog, assuming most of you already know what happened at Masada. If you don't a brief summary of the story can be found here, under the heading "History."****

Suffice it to say, it was an interesting lesson. The fort itself is huge on top, with rooms, buildings, and exhibits galore. And even in the beating sun (you really only enjoy the existence of the sun on Masada when it is just above the horizon), even though I had to LEARN STUFF... I enjoyed it. At the end of the whole experience, we stood on the Southern (I think?) side of the mountain, where a long canyon, perhaps a few hundred yards wide, separates Masada from another towering cliffside, where, when one yells his loudest, he can hear his echo, in its entirety, reflect back at him after a delay of 3 or so seconds, where our class, in unison, yelled out word by word, "Mitzadah Shenit Lo Tipol" - Masada will not fall again. I cannot truly describe to you what this was like, or how it felt was awed.

After that, we went back to the hostel and rested for a little while, ate lunch, and rested until about 4:00 PM, when we went to the Dead Sea.

Let me say a few things about the Dead Sea. Once again, for the non-Jewish: the Dead Sea has the highest concentration of salt of any body of water in the world. In Hebrew, the name of the sea is "Yam Hamelach" which literally means "salty sea." Now, salt makes it easy to float (remember that experiment you did in third grade with the egg in the saltwater?), because the water has higher density. In the Dead Sea, it is so easy, that you have no choice but to float. No matter how you position yourself, how you try, you will float.

This sounds pretty cool, in theory. You can actually sit down cross-legged and read a newspaper, or lie out and get a tan. Right?

Well, technically yes. Except that there is a little downside to the extraordinary saltiness of the water:

It hurts. Like a b***h.

Only a masochist would truly enjoy staying in the water for any longer than 5 minutes. Honestly, it burns. The water burns. The moment you get in, you will immediately discover the exact location of every minor cut and scrape in your body. Why? 'Cause it burns! If you so much as shave your legs, ladies, the day before you go in, you skin will burn. If you so much as get a drop of the water in your mouth, or merciful God forbid, in your eyes, you might as well just do what the Zealots did on Masada, just to end the pain. And if you so much as (I actually swear this is true, based on the actual first-hand accounts and advice of my friends and counselors) fart in the water, the saltwater will enter that rearmost crevice and burn you in a place you will then wish you had never even had.

But the Dead Sea is good for one thing: to tell people you went in. Also, Dead Sea mud supposedly is really good for the skin. You're supposed to completely cover yourself with it before you actually go in the water. So, we stayed in the Dead Sea for the obligatory 5 minutes, and then went back to the freshwater pool that sits by the spa. Let me tell you, there is nothing that feels better than a good clean pool after sitting in the Dead Sea. The water felt... thin. It was weird.

So we left at around 6:00 PM and FINALLY returned to the hostel for the day. We rested ourselves until Shabbat services, and then had an Israeli dancing session with a teacher who came with us from Tzuba. But after that, the hike, Masada, the Dead Sea, for the first time ever, the entire semester that pretty much everyone went to bed, by choice, BEFORE curfew. Babies don't sleep so well.


Saturday

Saturday. We woke up late. Blissfully, blissfully late. And then, after morning services, and lunch, we headed off once again to do stuff.

It was a fun day. The hostel we stayed at is actually a part of a large national preserve called the Ein Gedi Oasis (I think). Ein Gedi itself, being part of a desert, is, well, a desert. But... rainwater from areas to the north percolate into the rocks and spring up in a random place in the desert, and then flows for at least a mile amid the canyons and desert. Along the sides of this spring is a strip of lush wildlife, and at one point in its path the water makes a waterfall. Overall, the place is a mountain-y river-y beautiful place, and we had the privilege of hiking along the stream. At the far end of our hike we reached the "hidden waterfall," the high point of the hike, where we basically just swam and played around for half an hour. Then we hiked back. It was really cool stuff.
We returned once again to the hostel, packed up our stuff, and left again, this time for good. We came back to the kibbutz after a busy but exciting weekend, and now, finally, I am home.

<3,
Me

Ok...so it has been a while since I have updated, but I am going to tell you about the week. It’s Shabbat right now.

Last Monday, we went to a place called Sattaf, an ancient Israeli settlement. We had class in a beautiful biblical forest, and learned about some prophets and how the Israelites made this land their own through irrigation canals and agricultural plots. During the summers, when the grapes were ripe, the people would need to pick the grapes early in the morning and late in the afternoon when the sun was not too hot. Instead of going home during the day, they would just take their midday break in small caves. These caves kept the people cool and protected the picked grapes. Our teacher explained to us that the Israelites also made caves and tunnels to find water (springs). We went climbing in this spring which was really cool and freaky. I got kind of wet, but that was fun! We finished learning at Sattaf before the other Jewish History class finished, so we played "never have I ever" under the bus. I am a lot less innocent than I thought I was!! Then we went for lunch in the German quarter in Jerusalem. Josh Dinner, Josh Safran, Nathan, Mati, Mike Jocelyn, Dafna, and I went to this place called Norman’s. They have this hamburger that is 1 kilogram of meat. It is huge and takes 45 minutes to cook! Well the “Joshes” each ordered one and Mike and I split one. We got a t-shirt for ordering it and eating. I like the shirt and it’s funny. We then found out that we could have bought the shirt for about 1/3 of what we paid for the burger, but the shirt wouldn’t have had the same meaning if we didn’t actually eat it. I was so full after the burger, but I didn’t feel sick. After lunch, we headed over to this lookout spot in Southern Jerusalem. There, we learned a little about how Jerusalem was captured from the Canaanites and made the capital. We also learned a little bit about the kings of Israel. There was a cool sculpture, so we played and climbed on it for a while. There was also a wedding going on there and so we enjoyed listening to the Klezmer band playing music while we waited for the other Jewish History class. Then, we headed back to the kibbutz for a little free time, dinner, and bed.

Tuesday was spent in the City of David. There is a whole ancient underground water system below Jerusalem. We were able to walk all the way through it (a little more than a quarter mile). So, I was a little nervous about going through all the tunnels because they were really small, but it was so much fun. Also Max was right in front of me and he was like just put your hand on the ceiling and your other hand on my backpack and you will be fine. I was fine and we even turned off the flashlights, so it was pitch black!! It was amazing. The tunnel was dug from opposite sides, and they fortunately meet in the middle. Although, at points the tunnel was a bit windy because they were having trouble finding each other. Keep in mind, that they were built thousands of years ago....very cool. What made it even better was the fact that the tunnels were filled with water. At times, the water was up to my waist and the tunnel was only like four and a half feet high, so I had to bend over to walk while the water was up to my waist. If you are ever in Jerusalem, you have to walk through this tunnel because it is absolutely amazing. What made awesome also was the fact that everyone in our group was singing songs like "David Melech" and "Im Tirtzu" the whole time. I love how everyone hear sings all the time, while none of us would be caught dead singing these songs at the top of our lungs at home. It’s pretty cool. Then, we went to the Jewish quarter for lunch. I had the best pizza with Stephanie and two other people (I forget who though!). Then, we headed back to the kibbutz and went to this place past he vineyard, where some scholars believe Saul was coroneted as king. Our teacher, however doesn’t think this is true, but he does believe that this is where the prophet Nathan lived. Then we got to go to an ancient tomb. There was a huge spider that I was terrified of! We had a little free time and then met with some rabbinic students from the Netherlands about our high school program and Israel in general. The woman I talked to was really interesting and we had a good talk. Then, dinner and bed.

Wednesday and Thursday were typical school days except for one thing...the impending Jewish History exam on Friday. We were all worried about this exam, but honestly, I think it ended up alright. I know so much biblical history, though, and I know the Tanakh like the back of my hand. It’s weird when you find yourself knowing quotes from the bible and knowing in which book, chapter, and verse it is written in. Ok...so maybe I’m not that good, but if you ask me a question about the Tanakh, I can probably answer it...at least I like to think I can. The worst part of the test was probably the essay, but I chose to write mine on a how the bible is universal and at the same time specifically for the Jewish people (or the Hebrew speakers). Hmm...I feel like I am getting a little to biblical right now. There was also a part of the test where you had to fill out a map of Israel with the tribes, cities, bodies of water, roads, etc. As far as material on the test went, it wasn’t hard, but I had a lot of trouble concentrating because I had to turn the page every 3-5 five minutes, even if I was in the middle of writing a sentence.

After the exam, we went to Tel Aviv for the afternoon. We went to a craft market and walked down Shenkin Street. I bought a pretty necklace at the craft fair. I really like it. I also needed some clips and I got a teal scarf. They are pretty popular here.

Today I slept until 10:30 AM and then went to services, lunch and the pool. That’s pretty much it for today, but I think we are going to Jerusalem again in an hour or two.

Well I have written a novel here, so I think that it is time to end this entry.

Yesterday morning I basically slept until like 10:30 PM. When I woke up, I went to services, and then, we had a little bit of Torah study. After that, it was free time until dinner. I hung out with friends and just relaxed. We also had this meal called Seudat Shlishit. We have a third meal between lunch and dinner to set Shabbat apart from the other days of the week. At the meal we had lots of hummus, pita, vegetables, fruits, and cheeses, so it was good. Then, we had Havdalah (my favorite services. After that we got to go to the mall in Tel Aviv. The mall was fun, but I would have rather stayed back at the kibbutz to finish my homework and essays. We had dinner in the mall. We came back to the kibbutz, but we got here kinda late, so we had to go directly to our rooms.

Today I got up a little before 7:00 AM like usual and went to breakfast. Then I had Hebrew class. Jewish History class was alright, all we did was read some stories from the bible, but it was interesting. After that we ate lunch, and then I relaxed before running of to Trigonometry. I went all my classes today, but nothing out of the ordinary. Trigonometry was ok. Then I had AP English. I like that class actually. I mean we write a lot of essay type things, but Ephraim is cool. History with David is always fun. Jenna and usually end up laughing like the entire period. Then I had Spanish. I don’t like that class that much because I know everything he is teaching me. THANKS SEÑORA!!! After that I had Physics. Yovav is a cool guy but I don’t like the class. I ran to dinner after that and now I am working on homework and updating this. We just had services for September 11th. They were nice, but I liked mine and Rachel’s better. After the services, we took some candles and matches and went off by ourselves and lit the candles and said a few words for all the people who have been killed by terrorists.

I am sorry I haven’t updated in a week, I have just been busy and no one reads this anyways. I also just realized that the longer I go without writing, the more difficult this task will become. So, with that in mind, I will write about today and later I fill in the blanks from the last week,

This morning, we went to a farm to do a Tzedakah project called Project Leket (Table to Table). We pulled weeds for about two hours so that they tomatoes will be able to grow better. When the tomatoes are finished growing, they will be picked and given to anyone in need of food. Project Leket also picks up left-over food from bar and bat mitzvot, and are able to serve over 10,000 meals a day to the hungry.

After that, we headed over to a beach on the Mediterranean Sea. I went in the ocean (or sea what ever you want to call it…salt water) for the first time since I was like 3. The beach was really nice, although, the waves were a bit strong. We swam in the water for a bit, sifted through shells to find nice ones to make necklaces, and made sandcastles. Of course, since there are 12 boys in the group, it was inevitable that there would be a rather interesting shaped sandcastle. I think we can all guess the shape…a penis. They also buried Eddy and made him a she-male. I got burned so badly! After that, we all went back to the kibbutz where we showered and got ready for the evening.

This evening, we went to services at a reform synagogue in Jerusalem called Kol Hanishama. The services were nice, but at some points it was hard to follow along since I didn’t know any of the tunes to the prayers.

We then went back to the kibbutz for dinner and free time. I have pretty much been talking to people/reading/taking a walk until now, because it is curfew soon.

OMG! Today I got to see Josh Abramson and Rafe Kaplan! They are on vacation with Josh’s family. I saw Jill (Josh’s sister) and Josh’s parents too. Jill was on EIE this past spring so they stopped by the Kibbutz. I was walking up to the Zula when I saw these two guys looking at me and I was like they look so familiar! Then they started to laugh and screamed and ran up to Rafe giving him a huge hug and then Josh. They stayed for like half and hour before we left for Jerusalem. We went to Jerusalem for Shabbat Services. I love the city…its amazing!! Josh, Rafe, and Josh’s family joined us for the services. We had services at the Southern Wall of the Temple. Then we made our way to the Western Wall. It is amazing. You can see the men’s side which is made up of mostly Hasidim. Hasidim are the Jews that have the curls on the sides and the beards and wear some type of hat (usually black with a brim). You could even hear the rumble of their voices as they prayed in countless groups. On the women’s side there were a lot less people and all the women were wearing long skirts and long sleeves. I got to put my little note in the wall too. I won’t write about that though. Then we came back to the Kibbutz for dinner and then we had song session and hung out until 2 o’clock in the morning. Josh and Rafe took a taxi to come see me. They hung out with me and the other people in the program. I had a good talk with Josh. He has really changed. If you don’t remember, Josh told people at camp that I blew him…but I didn’t. That doesn’t matter anymore though. He is a good guy and it made me happy to see him. Well, that’s it for now! <33

Today we only had t'fillah and a safety and health orientation.

In the afternoon, though, we walked to this archaeological dig about 7 minutes our rooms on the kibbutz. It was at the John the Baptist cave. There, we had a chance to dig and clean. It was fun but also incredibly hot. We didnt find anything except shards of pottery, but the cave has an interesting history....it was originally a huge mikvah, or a ritual bath. They found a picture sketched in the wall of the cave, which they believe is John the Baptist. Outside the cave they found matsayvot. Basically they representation of G-d and G-d's wife and other things. Nothing else is really going on! Missing you all!

<3,
Me

Kibbutz Tzuba is great. It's about 7 minutes from Jerusalem, and it has an amazing view of the city. Yesterday, everyone was really tired, so we mainly just unpacked and relaxed in our rooms. Then, in the evening, we had dinner (kosher of course!), and went to the common room (zula). There, we played some group bonding games and used the internet.

This morning, after eating breakfast, we had t'filah. After that, we all took a Hebrew placement test, and I was surprised by how much Hebrew I actually know. I actually don’t know that much grammar, but I did fairly well on the vocabulary section. Then, we met all of our teachers for our general studies classes. Lunch was next, and then we had free time. Then, we went on a tour of the kibbutz, and I took some pictures of a cave on the kibbutz, the beautiful view of the Tzuba Valley, and the outskirts of Jerusalem. At the end of the day, we went swimming in the pool, which is here at the kibbutz, and then we had falafels for dinner! We have a little free time so we are all in the zula updating our journals, writing e-mails, and talking to friends. Lilah Tov!

<3,
Me

I went to the airport and met all the people who are going on EIE with me. We had to go through security, and geez, the El Al security people are intimidating, but Eddy was with me. He asked me about how much Hebrew I know and laughed when I told him I know how to say 'Wonderful Cucumber'. He also asked who packed my bags, where I bought stuff, if anyone came into the house when I packed, and all that stuff. Then, everyone was waiting for orientation and got out their computers because there was free wireless internet.

I sat next to Elaina and Chelsea. They are really nice. A highlight of the airplane trip would have to be the orthodox men in the back of the plane who are dovening. For those of you who dont know, dovening is praying. The men wrap these strings around their arms and head to remind them of the commandments and put on tallits. They all go to the back of the plane and pray. They did it several times during the flight.

When we landed in Israel, we had to go through passport checking and get student visa things. Then me and bunch of the guys took all the NFTY-EIE baggage off the carosel thingy and everyone grabbed their bag after. We got on the bus and drove to the kibbutz where Baruch (the principal) gave a short speech and we said some blessings. After that we got our roomates and started to unpack. I love my roommates. Dafna is from New Orleans and Jocelyn is from New Hampshire. They are super sweet and I am glad that I get to room with them. I will update more later!!

<3,
Me